I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
