and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
