wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
