i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
