my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
