I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
