I think I won the penis lottery.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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