im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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