Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
No subtext here. People are naked.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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