Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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