sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
