it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
