This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
