Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My vagina is officially offended.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
