god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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