My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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