i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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