I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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