the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
