Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
