im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
