using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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