Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize