remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
