we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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