Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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