yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
