Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
