You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
