dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
