my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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