I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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