Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
