Buhtt sex?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
