I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
