You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
