U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
