I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
