he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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