Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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