Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
