suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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