I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
