I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
