My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Randomize
