i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
