before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just gargled with NyQuil
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
