Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
