I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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