So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
