I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
