babies were throwing up all over the place
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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