seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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