don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
