Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
