I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
