I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
