I think my vagina is haunted
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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