i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
