Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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