i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
