all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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