I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
