We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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