i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
