so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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