Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
