I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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