Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
