Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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