i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
