I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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