Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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