So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
