Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
tequila makes me forget i have legs
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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