Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
