All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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