He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
