You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
