im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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