I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
