Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize