I wish you could order shots online.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
