apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
im holly from the hills drunk
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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