My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
