He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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