she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just sucked dick on a ferry
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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