i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
