how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
