mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
