I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
