There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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