Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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