look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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