His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
