I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
