I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm always down for nudity.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize