The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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