I can text with my tongue
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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