Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Terrible idea I love it
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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