There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Randomize
