So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
