You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
