Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
