Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize