Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
