You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The maid of honor just puked.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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