What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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