If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
