Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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