never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
