My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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